Why are so many people willing to give up so quickly?

I can't believe the amount of people on this forum and on a couple of other debt forums I'm on who are willing to just stop trying and go bankrupt.

Geez people. My income and budget is worse than anything most of you people could dream of. My ex-husband left me with a 4 year old daughter, a massive mortgage, credit cards all maxxed out, a personal loan and no income! And yet I've not missed a payment since he left 18 months ago. I've not fallen behind and I don't have collectors at my door.

Yes, we go without a lot of things that most people think of as 'necessary'. To us, they're luxuries. But we're not starving. And I'm not losing my house or car. 

And yet all I read is people complaining about 'I'd better just go bankrupt rather than give up cable'.

What's wrong with this picture?

I think what happens is that people become overwhelmed and stressed out. Then, they want to take what appears to be the method that will eliminate the problems as soon as humanly possible

probably for the same reason people divorce. it's easier than working your way out of a bad situation. factor in the barrage of unpleasant letters and calls you get from collectors it's tempting especially as you watch your debt grow due to increased interest rates and penalties. then you realize no matter what my credit is shot for years to come anyway. i for one believe in personal responsibility and fulfilling my obligations but i also believe we are asked to follow a different set of rules than the rich and government. there are few protections for the consumer at the middle and lower income range other than bankruptcy and no protections from predatory tactics or unforseen circumstances. we are in a society where credit is necessary to own a home or decent car and keeping up with the joneses is in our face every day. what is that slogan? mastercard, it's everywhere you want to be. sad but true.

I think people become overwhelmed after so long, I think that when things become piled up you get confused and lost. It's easier to just stop paying than it is to continue the rat race.

Here is yet another reason. We had a collector call yesterday and leave a message on our machine stating he had talked to our neighbors and was trying to avoid calling me at work. My wife called the number back as I was asleep, the guy refused to say who he was working for and got inappropriate with my wife when she said I must have the wrong number stating oh no hon, you don't have the wrong number. She hung up and of course he had no way of knowing who she was or where she was calling from but this sounds and feels like stalking when they are naming all of your neighbors by name. You just get sick of it and once things start to go it's like dominos. If you pulled out of all of your problems under the conditions you have stated you really should write a how to book. It would likely be a best seller. Things don't always come out rosey for everyone however.

I've heard from bank employees that some people are willing to give up and leave the keys to their house much sooner than the bank wants them to give up.

Raven, I'm sorry to hear about your situation and at the same time I'm interested in how you do it, because you seem to be handling it very well.

If you don't mind my asking, how do you do it?

I am sure it wears on you so badly that giving up is the easy way out.
Cals and letters arriving on a daily basis are intimidating and overwhelming
at times, especially when you have nothing to pay them with to start with.

It's also hard when a situation won't go away such as serious illness. Just when you're getting out from under the debt, another test is ordered or another expensive prescription comes up and all the progress made goes by the wayside or keeps you from being able to move forward with paying your obligations.

Ricardo asked:  at the same time I'm interested in how you do it, because you seem to be handling it very well.
If you don't mind my asking, how do you do it?

I don't mind at all. It's never been easy and it's never been my ideal way to live life, but I'm doing it and my daughter and I are happy.

Basically, when my ex-husband left us to pursue his drinking-career, he left behind a mountain of debt. But I wanted to keep the family home if I could, because I figured if I gave it up now, I'd never be able to afford to get another one later. It's close to my family, close to the school I want my daughter going to and close to my work. Of course I didn't want to move.

So I decided to have a try at getting rid of the debts on my own.

I work full-time as a teller at a bank - it's not a high-paying job. In fact, it's a little below average really. My daughter goes to day-care nearby a couple days a week and my mom takes her the other couple days. She goes to kinder one day a week now too.

The first thing I did  was called every lender I had debts with and arranged payment terms. I told them  I would be making payments every week instead of monthly. They all agreed. If you're paying weekly, your repayment history looks brilliant to a credit agency for later on - and it's way easier to budget.

Then I wrote down every cent I spend on everything and I figured out ways to cut back any expense at all. I don't have cable at all now. I cut it completely. I take brown-bag lunches to work. I only shop when the shopping list is full and I only buy what's on the list. I cut coupons. I shop when sales are on.

We got wood-fire heating installed. We ride bikes instead of driving if we possibly can to save on fuel. (Sarah is only 4 - so I have a child-seat on the back of my bike). We find fun things to do for free together. This is great bonding time with my little girl and way better for her than sitting in front of the TV.

I could NOT cook before the ex left. We would get take-out or go out to restaurants or eat pre-packaged junk regularly. After he left, I went to a community class one night a week and I learned to cook basic meals that saved me a fortune - and we're healthier for it! I learned to grow my own vegetables by scouring the internet and figuring out what grows best where. Then I looked up recipes I could learn to make using those same things I'd just grown.

I installed a rain-water tank. I use this water for gardens, washing the dog or the car or washing the floors or windows.

The final step was to try and find a little bit of part-time income that I could earn from home so I could spend more time with my daughter and still get some extra payments onto the debts.  I don't earn a lot from my little home business, but it's enough to get some extra money down on the debts and make sure there's no collectors at my door.

The most important things are focus and self-discipline.

I'd be interested to hear if anyone else is doing these things and getting ahead slowly.

Raven, Maybe people don't care about having bad credit anymore. It's sad.