4. What Makes Manipulators Do What They Do?
Manipulation exists because it works. The best way to stop a manipulator is simply to disable her tactics—make her manipulation ineffective because you stop complying with her demands, desires, requests, or subtle or overt pressure.
When manipulative tactics stop being effective inadvancing the ends of the manipulator—when you stop being a mark and transform yourself into a harder target for manipulators—the manipulator’s tactics likely will change. Quite possibly, the manipulator will disengage from the relationship altogether and seek a new mark or victim.
Manipulators can be compared with water running downhill, always seeking the path of least resistance. The reason is not any more complicated than this: Manipulators do not want to have
to work at manipulating. It comes easily and naturally to them. They do it because it is easy—because you make it easy. The purpose of this post is not to enlighten manipulators. I do not expect manipulators to be interested in reading this blog.
Moreover, I do not delude myself into thinking that if manipulators only knew the harm they did, they would have an “Ah-hah!” moment of insight and decide to change their ways. I know better. And you shouldn’t delude yourself either. Instead, my purpose is to describe the motives and mind-sets of manipulators so that you have a better understanding of what you are up against.
By increasing your understanding of what makes manipulators behave as they do, you will have a better understanding of why you feel so confused, violated, unhappy, demeaned, and otherwise diminished in your relationships with manipulative people.
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