Falling in Debt

If you would have told me two years ago I would now be staring at a mountain of debt and not know how to get out of the mess, I would have laughed at you.  My parents prepared me for life after high school.  I knew how to balance my bank account, could figure out interest charges and understood APR and all that good stuff about credit cards.  I stayed away from credit through most of college and was smart about the loans I pulled, but none of that prepared me for falling in love.  Or, as I like to call it, falling in debt. 

Falling for someone sucks you into their life, but I learned the hard way how to avoid being dragged down with someone.  Of course it started out small, borrowing money, picking up tabs here and there.  I didn't think much about it at first because it wasn't happening all the time, and of course he was paying as well then.  Then things started coming up that were more and more expensive, and it always happened that the bank made a mistake or his paycheck didn't come in on time.  I knew he wasn't going anywhere so I was ok with borrowing the money.  He never paid it all back at once but he would repay me here and there, and even though I never kept tabs I knew he always owed me money. 

When it got really bad was when I was already in love with the guy, love puts blinders on us sometimes.  Still I tried to play it smart with my money, at least I told myself I was--  again, the power of persuasion.  Because I was younger and had the better credit history I opened up most of the accounts in my name.  Utilities, our place, credit cards, rental services, the car all of it in my name.  As long as it was the two of us paying it was ok, but I knew that I couldn't handle all of it on my own.  I tried sitting down twice and creating a budget with him or talking about the spending but he was never interested and instead made excuses and left it to me to handle. 

Two years later and I have finally removed myself from what was a loving but bad relationship.  Its hard to choose between money and love, but I never thought I would have to choose between having any money and still being loved.  I was drowning though, and I still am.  I have always been independent, I was the one in my family to move out first and get my own place, afford college and still travel when and where I wanted too. 

I have learned a lot looking back, mostly lots of little things.  And the learning hasn't stopped.  I am almost at the point where I can breathe and don't dread the mail or the phone ringing.  It's not that I want to control things in my life, especially not relationships, loving the freedom and carefree lifestyle like I do, but in no way do I want to be living in a world where I feel trapped and held down by someone else and their mistakes. 

My experience of falling into debt is my own fault, but I let other lead me there and it is something that will never happen to me again.